This Friday, April 29, is exactly six months since the day my dad died.  Where has the time gone?  As I reflect on the last six months, there are a lot of thoughts that come to mind.  The many thoughts seem impossible to put into words in any coherent way, but this post is an attempt.  

The death of a parent, and any difficult things we may experience throughout life can make it seem like the world around us is crumbling.  While our world completely changes, the rest of the world moves on, unaffected by the event.  Over the past six months, I think the biggest reminder I have been given is that through the crosses we must carry and the trials we must endure, we are not strong enough.  But God is.  The losses that are inevitable are an opportunity to grow closer to the Lord and lean on Him, who is unchanging in the midst of a world that is constantly changing.  I have also learned that God places us exactly where we are meant to be.

“You’re in your twenties and you still live at home?”  The amount of times I had heard this, or a similar variation, from different people over the past several years is too many to count.  While these comments bothered me and were hurtful at times, I trusted that I was right where I needed to be.  I knew my mom needed help with my dad.  I also knew that it meant a lot to my dad, to have my siblings or I there every day.  While most people had no idea what the situation was with my dad and many didn’t seem to understand the scope of it, I learned that what God knows is more important than what other people think or say.  More than anything, it helped me grow as a person.  Each day strengthened my faith, deepened my trust, helped me grow in patience, and increased my ability to see the dignity and value of life, no matter the circumstance.  And now more than ever, there is no doubt in my mind that God had me where I needed to be.  I got to sit in the living room watching a Thursday night Packer game with my dad in what would, unknowingly, be his last night on this earth.  All I can say is, thank you Lord.  If I had not lived at home, this wouldn’t have happened and neither would a lot of other small, ordinary moments that I am now really grateful for.  Being at home allowed me to spend so much extra time with my dad that I would not have experienced otherwise.  Moments like coming home from work everyday to respond to the same simple questions, like, “how was work?”, “what are we eating for dinner” to watching Family Feud or the Andy Griffith Show for the millionth time.

Grief is a journey.  It is completely possible to be at peace, yet to experience feelings of loss at the smallest and most random things.  Hearing a song, looking at pictures, seeing a TV show, walking to certain parts of the house, eating certain foods, among many other random things, I have felt a great sadness and have been brought to tears.  But it is in the grief that I have experienced deep gratitude.  I have found myself thanking God for my dad and the gift of his life, for the memories, for allowing my family to be strengthened, and for all of the blessings that have flowed from that, even when I failed to recognize them.

If you’re going through something that’s hard in your life, it’s okay to accept the fact that you are struggling and that it is difficult.  You cannot handle it on your own.  Ask God to carry you.  When all you see is suffering and sorrow, look a little deeper to find the blessings.  They are there.  Find gratitude and choose joy always.  And allow yourself to be drawn closer to God.  He knows what He is doing and will never abandon you.

“O my Lord, inflame my heart with love for You, that my spirit may not grow weary amidst the storms, the sufferings and the trials. You see how weak I am. Love can do all.- St. Faustina.

“God is not just risen one day on the calendar but every day of the year.  Every day of the year Jesus Christ is risen from the grave, He’s defeated sin and death.  They have no power over us. Amen!”  If this doesn’t make us excited, I don’t think there is anything else that will.  One of my favorite things to do, especially on every Easter morning, is blast the song “Christ is Risen” by Matt Maher, specifically the live version.  The passion and excitement within this song is how we should all feel about Christ’s resurrection.  And not just one day each year, but every single day of our lives.

The Resurrection is the basis for our faith.  It is the reason for our hope and joy.  The Resurrection gives us the opportunity to live in a way that shows others who we are as Christians, and more importantly, to show others who Christ is.  If we allow our lives to be led by this amazing and life-changing event, we will have real peace and joy that the world does not offer and that cannot be taken away.

Hearing the Gospel for the Easter Sunday mass, there is one line that stood out to me.  “They both ran, but the other disciple ran faster than Peter and arrived at the tomb first” (John 20:4).  Both of the disciples ran in anticipation of what they would find upon arriving at the tomb.  I think this line in scripture demonstrates their eagerness to see what happened and yet also reveals the courage it took to seek out something unknown, and ultimately, their willingness to believe that Jesus had truly risen from the dead.  Do we have the same anticipation to see what we will discover when we fully and wholeheartedly seek Jesus in our lives?  Are we eager to see where he will lead us?  Do we have the courage to follow Him into the unknown, trusting that He will give us what we need?
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Living with the knowledge that Jesus is risen from the grave and has defeated sin and death should give us all a deep joy that fills our hearts and radiates from our very being.  Run, don’t walk, to share this joy of the risen Christ with all who you encounter and the whole world!  

 As Catholics, we’ve all heard the passion narrative so many times.  If we sincerely try to focus on it and allow ourselves to enter into a deep reflection as it is being read, we will hopefully be moved by it every time.  There is so much that happened in a short amount of time and every single moment demonstrates Christ’s love for us.  Everything he went through was for each and every single one of us.  

One line that stood out to me as the passion was read on Palm Sunday is from when Jesus was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane.  “He was in such agony and prayed so fervently that his sweat became like drops of blood falling on the ground” (Luke 22:44).  To think of Jesus in this much agony and distress that His sweat would become drops of blood, it brings one thought to mind.  The thought of just how much he loves us.

When Jesus was nailed to the cross, we reflect on this ultimate sacrifice He made for us.  However, His suffering, all for us, starts much before He is on the cross.  When Jesus was praying in the Garden, he knew what he was about to endure.  Knowing that He was very soon going to be bearing the weight of all the sins of the world brought out so many emotions, which is revealed by His sweat becoming drops of blood.  His grief and anguish and all of the feelings He experienced shows us His humanity.  His prayer to the Father was so deep and intense and it is evident that He was praying from the heart, asking for the Father’s will to be done.

Reflecting on Christ’s agony in the Garden can help us with our own prayer lives and our surrender to God’s will.  While we will never face anything close to what Jesus went through and will not experience our sweat turning into blood, we all have our own times of distress and suffering.  We can look to Christ as the perfect example of how to respond in these times.  When we are struggling or going through something hard, are we on our knees, praying intensely and asking for the Father’s will to be done?
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As we journey through this Holy Week, let Christ’s agony in the Garden and each moment after leading up to His death on the cross, be a reminder of just how much you are loved.  Everything He did was for you and me.  Allow yourself to fully enter into the events of this week.  This week changed the world.  Will you let it change your world?

Today’s Gospel (Monday-4/3) starts with one of my favorite verses.  The passage from John begins with, “Jesus spoke to them again, saying, ‘I am the light of the world.  Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.’ (John 8:12).”  The title of “Light of the World” is a powerful way to think of Jesus.  Light guides us, helps us see, and eliminates the darkness.  Jesus, who is the light of the world, illuminates the world around us, guides us, and changes everything.  It is by His light that we can see.

The world around us is filled with darkness.  Looking around, it doesn’t take long to see  violence, hatred, an attack on human life, a distortion of love into something selfish, confusion about how God created humanity, and the list goes on.  But Christ has the power to bring light into this darkness.  If we try to look at and understand life without Him, nothing makes sense and we are left in this dark and dismal mindset.  If we allow ourselves to be led by His light, we are better able to follow the path He wants us to walk, the path that leads us closer to Him.

Light is something that we crave and that we are drawn to.  Think of the sun.  When it comes to the weather, there is nothing better than a bright, sunny day, especially after long periods of cold, overcast, or rainy days.  When the weather is dreary and cloudy, we long to see the sun.  Most of us probably enjoy the warmth and brightness of the sun, as it is thought to increase the brain’s release of serotonin.  In the same way, we crave the light of Christ and are drawn to this light.  Every single person longs for the Son and the light He provides, whether they realize it or not.  Each and every one of us was created with this longing for God that no one and nothing else can satisfy.  His light reveals the truth to us and fills us with love and joy, which can then fill the world around us.
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If we stay focused on Christ, we will never have to walk in complete darkness.  Allow each day of your life to be illuminated by His light.  Because when we follow the light that shines in the darkness, we will be able to see.  We will be able to see all the goodness and beauty that surrounds us.

Every time I reflect on the Stations of the Cross, I am reminded of the saint name I chose for confirmation.  In the sixth station, Veronica wipes the face of Jesus.  This station has always stood out to me.  I remember choosing Veronica because I found her simple act of compassion towards Jesus to be so profound and moving and for some reason, it really resonated with me.  Each one of us has the ability to show compassion and love to each and every single person that we encounter each day, to wipe the face of Jesus.  Just as the face of Christ appeared on Veronica’s veil, our lives can reflect the image of Christ to others, by our words and actions.

Whether we realize it or not, every day, we have opportunities to reflect the image of Jesus to those around us.  When we complete an act of kindness, offer to pray for someone, listen to another in a time of need, or simply serve someone in any way, we are wiping the face of Christ.  The love and compassion we show to others is love and compassion that we show to Jesus.

It would have been much easier for Veronica to not step out from the crowd and to remain indifferent.  In her feeling of helplessness and knowing that she could not alleviate Jesus’ suffering, she came forward and wiped the blood and sweat from His face.  Oftentimes, it is the same for us.  It is easier to stay hidden among the crowd, to follow the way of the culture, to not take a stand for what we believe, to ignore the suffering and hurting of those around us, to be indifferent.  But this is not the way Christ calls us to.  We are called to reach out to others and to walk with them just as Christ walks with us.  We cannot all do big things or accomplish tremendous tasks.  But we can love.  And many times, it is in the simplest and most seemingly small gestures that we can make a difference.
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Jesus, thank you for suffering and making the ultimate sacrifice for each and every one of us.  Give us the courage to step out of our comfort zones to wipe the blood, sweat, and tears from your face.  Help us to know that whatever we do for others, we do for you.  Imprint Your image onto our hearts so that we would show the world who You are and be a reflection of Your love.  Amen.

Last week at work, an excel spreadsheet was sent to staff members and we were asked to “list our pronouns” on the document next to our names.  New email signatures and ID badges are being made and some staff from the DEI committee wanted to encourage all employees to have their “preferred pronouns” included.  (For anyone unfamiliar with this, it involves listing pronouns of how people should refer to you, like “she/her/hers, he/him/his, they/them/theirs or a variety of other options which make absolutely no sense.)  As I scrolled through the spreadsheet, I was shocked by how many people had obliged to the request.  Almost all approximately 40 people in my department had typed in a list of pronouns next to their names.  I could only wonder about the organization’s other 100+ employees and how many of them would be including pronouns on their IDs and email signatures.  What I did know was that I could not support or affirm this practice by participating in it.  I did not submit anything to the spreadsheet and when a follow-up email was sent, I stated that I did not want anything listed.  

In today’s world, this issue is quite prevalent and I knew it was only a matter of time before it would likely come up in this setting.  As Catholics, we cannot support the trend of “identifying  pronouns” and the rise in the gender ideology movement.

A lot of people may say to just give it up and that it’s not a big deal.  Others may think that there’s no harm in something so seemingly insignificant.  Many people have the mindset that going along with it is respectful and the loving, compassionate thing to do because it shows support.  But this is a hill I’m willing to die on.  I disagree with all of these arguments.  As males and females created in the image of God, we do not get to choose pronouns nor do we need to let others know what pronouns people should use to refer to us.  Knowing what words to use when talking about men and women is just a basic part of the English language.  

​God has created us all- as either a man or woman, and this is something that cannot be changed.  We live in a society that reduces gender to feelings and appearances.  We live in a society that rejects truth.  To reject the reality that there are only two genders is to reject truth and God Himself.

In the midst of this insanity and all of the people just going with the flow in order to not be seen as bigoted or hateful, there are some people who truly struggle with accepting who they are.  We need to affirm them in their goodness and see their dignity.  We need to walk with them in their struggle.  When it comes to men who think they are women, women who think they are men, or those who think they are neither, we need to treat them with the same love and compassion that we would anyone else.  However, to love is to want what is best for someone and desiring good for that person.  And this means speaking the truth.  We must be firm in our convictions and not back down.  Our witness on this issue is an opportunity to be Christ to others and share the truth, beauty, and goodness of the human person and who we were created to be.

If you’ve paid any attention to the media recently, whether the sports world or political world, you’ve probably heard about Lia Thomas and Rachel Levine.  Both of these males, now identifying as women, have insulted womanhood by reducing it to surgeries, clothing, and how they think it “feels” to be a woman.  And to be honest, my heart hurts for the people in our country who accept and celebrate this ideology.  It is disheartening that there are so many people who believe that who we are as male and female, and how we are different, doesn’t matter.  However, this simple truth is the basis for humanity.  God created men and women to complement each other and to reflect His love in unique ways.  This can never be changed, no matter what the world thinks.

As our country continues in this direction and we try to navigate this gender and pronoun war, we need to keep our focus on God.  We need to immerse ourselves in His love and the truth of how he created us- male and female, and in His image.  As we continue to encounter people sharing pronouns and asking us to go along with this whole ideology, we must give every person the respect and dignity they deserve, always speaking and acting with love.  However, “we can’t surrender to a lie.” -Chris Stefanick

For those of you who work desk jobs, you can probably relate to the struggle of trying to maintain good posture and being attentive for hours on end.  It is easy to become restless and to lose motivation.  What helps me to sit up straight and stay focused is my desk chair with a solid back to lean on.  There are a lot of things we probably lean on and depend on to get us through the day.  Whether it’s something like a chair, a favorite activity to give us a break, or other people, we all turn to different places for support.  But above it all, what, or who, are we leaning on the most?  Matt Maher, a contemporary Catholic artist, has a new song, “Leaning.”  These lyrics, “Let my restless soul be still and know, I am leaning on your everlasting arms” sum it up quite well.

In all that is happening in the world around us, we need to be still and be aware of the presence of God in our lives.  We need to let ourselves lean on the arms of Jesus.  This is the strong foundation we all need in our lives.  If we don’t lean on Jesus, we will lean on the things of this world.  These things cannot hold us up and we will fall into temptation, weakness, sin.  But to lean on the arms of Jesus is to know that we will never be dropped. 

Leaning on the arms of Jesus does not mean that we will never fall.  However, it does mean that we will be lifted up and embraced with an infinite and transformational love and mercy.  How do we lean on Jesus at all times?  We must fully put our trust in Him and surrender ourselves to Him.  We must deny ourselves, carry our crosses, and offer up sacrifices, asking Jesus to help us.  We are called to live every day with joy and use each moment as an opportunity to love.  It is only by leaning on Him that this can be possible.  

Think of people you know who have a really deep and strong faith that is unwavering.  The people that come to mind for me are people who are humble, but confident in Christ’s real and personal love and they are aware of their deep need for Him.  I want to be like these people, always leaning on His everlasting arms.  
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Jesus, help us to be still and know that we can lean on You because You are the only one who will never let us down.

A few days ago at work, conversation with a co-worker turned to faith.  (This is the same co-worker who had asked me about my faith and going to mass earlier this year).  The conversation involved discussion of Ash Wednesday, giving up things for Lent, not eating meat on Fridays and involved several questions.  She also asked if churches still had Stations of the Cross and told me she used to always go with her grandma when she was young.  She stated that she should go back to mass and in an attempt to offer encouragement, I simply responded, “yeah, you should!”  She said that I would have to go with her because she would not want to go alone.  What she said next is something that I’ve been reflecting on since.  “God wouldn’t welcome me back.”  I told her that God welcomes everyone back.  As Christians, this is what we are called to do.  To help others know that God loves them and pray that they would experience that love.

Maybe this is something that we focus on as we journey through this Lent.  As we walk with Jesus through the desert and reflect on His suffering and death, we have the opportunity to invite others to enter into their own spiritual journeys of prayer, reflection, and purification.  Everyday, as we work to turn our hearts and minds toward God and deepen our prayer lives, the hope is to become more like Christ.  And as we become more like Him, the hope is that others might see a glimpse of the love Christ has for them by the words we say and the things we do.

​Imagine if every single person would look at a crucifix and know that Jesus died for them because of a deep and personal love He has just for them.  Imagine if every single person would not only know this in their minds but also believe in their hearts that if they were the only person to ever exist, He still would have suffered and died for them.  

As we walk this journey and reflect on the passion and death of Christ, may we allow Him to remove every distraction, material attachment, worldly desire, and sinful habit in our lives so that after these 40 days we would be more like Christ.  When we become more like Christ, we can better reflect Him and His love to the world around us.  

My prayer for these next several weeks is that every Catholic, who has left the church or fallen away,  would look at Jesus on the cross, with His arms stretched wide open, and know that He is ready and waiting to welcome them back to Him.

If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you can probably recall my last post in which I shared about the good weekend I had.  (If you’re a new reader, welcome!)  This weekend was even better.  It was my turn to be on a retreat.  And this retreat was the Women’s CEW (Christian Experience Weekend).  To try to even begin to describe it seems impossible.  In my attempts to sum it up, I will say that God is so good and so powerful.  Of course we know that God is good and powerful.  We hear this all the time.  But this weekend, this wasn’t just something I knew in my mind.  It was something I experienced on a very real and deep level.

On the weekend, someone made a statement that sums up the experience quite well:  “The Holy Spirit is working overtime this weekend.”  The theme of the retreat was “Hearts on Fire” and there could not have been a more perfect theme.  The Holy Spirit showed up and set hearts on fire.  There were countless moments throughout the retreat in which the Holy Spirit made His presence known.  In fact, it wasn’t merely a few moments, but rather, the whole experience that was filled with His presence.  For me, one part that stands out is being prayed over and given a blessing before giving my talk, being prayed for during the talk, and then once again being prayed for after the talk as well.  It was an experience unlike anything else and there was no doubt in my mind that the Holy Spirit is real and was truly with us.  Having people lay their hands over me and pray took away every feeling of unease and it was as if I was lifted up and put right into the hands of God.

The whole weekend was so good and to try to convey the experience through words doesn’t seem to do it justice.  One retreat candidate from my table shared that, on Friday, she was not excited to come and did not really want to be there.  By Sunday, she didn’t want to leave.  I think this describes the Holy Spirit well.  Having an encounter like this is an experience you don’t want to leave.  You want to live in this sort of space forever.  It was filled with love, joy, peace, and goodness, all fruits of the Holy Spirit.  As I soak in all the graces from the weekend, the one thought taking over my mind is that I wish every single person, Catholic or not, could have this experience and know the power and realness of the Holy Spirit.  I think a lot of people, myself included, have often disregarded the Holy Spirit due to not being familiar with Him or being confused or unsure by Him.  I believe that if every Catholic could experience and be hit with the power and working of the Holy Spirit, the world would change.  It would be set on fire with hearts that are burning intensely with the love of God.

I think it is safe to say that anyone who has had a profound experience with the Holy Spirit wants others to have the same thing.  We all have friends, family members, co-workers, and other people in our lives who don’t have a fire burning in their hearts.  Maybe the flame went out, maybe it is there but very dim, or maybe it was never there to begin with.  We all want the people in our lives to have their hearts blazing. 

While we cannot make anyone experience the Holy Spirit, there are ways we can help.  We can invite people to retreats and events.  We can share books and other resources to help them learn more about how the Holy Spirit works.  Most importantly, we can share our witness of how the Holy Spirit has worked in our lives and how we have encountered Him.  Doing these things can help people recognize the small, ordinary moments that the Holy Spirit is present throughout their days because while the Holy Spirit can work in profound and powerful ways, He is also in the regular, everyday moments of our lives.  And sometimes, it takes huge and profound encounters with Him to recognize this.  

As I continue to reflect on the CEW retreat I was on this weekend, some lyrics from the song “Shine Jesus Shine” come to mind.  “As we gaze on your kingly brightness, so our faces display your likeness.  Ever changing from glory to glory, mirrored here may our lives tell your story…. Blaze, Spirit, Blaze.  Set our hearts on fire.”  It is easy to see when people’s hearts are on fire and when they are filled with the Holy Spirit because their lives are a reflection of Him.

​My prayer is that everyone would encounter the Holy Spirit in this way and know of His power, recognizing the work that He is doing in their lives constantly.  I pray that each and every one of us would be filled with the Holy Spirit and have our hearts set on fire even more than they already are, so much so that it would overflow into the lives of those around us, touching their lives and setting the world on fire.

This past weekend was one of the best in awhile.  I didn’t have any big plans and didn’t go anywhere far.  But what I did do was something more valuable and better than anything else I can think of.  With the retreat going on at my parish, I was able to spend a good amount of time sitting before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament.  To be able to drive just three minutes late at night or early in the morning to spend time in Eucharistic adoration not one, not two, but three days in a row was truly a gift that I didn’t know how much I needed.  Spending time in the small, cozy and warm makeshift chapel, lit by a few lamps brought so much peace to me.  I could have stayed there all weekend.  We all need these these kinds of experiences to help remind us of God’s love for us and to be filled by that love.

This weekend, I read a book called Breath of God, Living a Life Led by the Holy Spirit by Father Dave Pivonka.  One of the chapters discussed the concept of expanding our hearts.  He explained how we need to continually ask God to fill our hearts because they may leak over time due to things like lack of attention and sin and they can slowly deflate.  “God wants to give more of his spirit to us, to expand our souls, to bless us with more of his grace, his gifts, and more of his very life.  ”As I sat in adoration this weekend, I asked the Holy Spirit to fill my heart up so that I could love more and have a deeper faith.  And I am not lying when I say that I truly felt my heart being filled and expanded.  Sitting before Jesus, I experienced love that is more powerful than anything in the world and an increased desire to deepen my relationship with Him.

To the outside world, this all probably sounds crazy.  But when you experience those moments of intense peace and love, there is no denying the reality of our faith and the true presence of Jesus in the Eucharist.  It is these moments that expand our hearts and our capacity to love.  When we allow ourselves to be filled with this love and this peace and all of the fruits of the Spirit, they will overflow into every aspect of our lives and permeate our whole being.

So how do we fill and expand our hearts?  The simplest way is to sit before God in prayer and ask Him.  As Father Dave explains in the book, “God wants us to ask for more of His presence.”  We need to continually pray and not be afraid to ask.  If we ask God with a real desire and sincere hearts, He will provide.  Whether it’s in big, overwhelming moments or the small, ordinary moments of our days, God will show us His love and fill us.    
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My prayer is that you would be able to sit before Jesus and experience your heart being expanded by the love and peace that only He can bring.